What can be better than lesbian alien sex? How about lesbian alien sex, with some guns ‘n’ ammo on the side!! Mass Effect has been out for about 10 days now, and I have managed to sink my teeth in far enough to produce a competent review - at least as competent as one would expect from Peppercorn Nation…

Mass Effect is the much anticipated latest entry into the gaming world from Canadian great (although now owned by EA) BioWare Corp. In the past, they have given us Knights of the Old Republic, Baldur’s Gate, and Neverwinter Nights. Mass Effect follows in the footsteps of KOTOR, in a futuristic sci-fi Action-RPG. Actually it really should be called an RPG-Action, because there are many more RPG elements than there are action.

The story is simple, yet fulfilling. You must save the galaxy! What makes it interesting though is the element of choice. You have the ability to dictate every conversation your character comes across. You can be the valiant hero, the firm commander, the rude renegade - basically whatever tone you wish. Sometimes you have as many as 6 options to take the conversation. While some conversations will inevitably lead to the same end result, other areas of the game allow you to fully choose how to act. For instance, one particular mission had me investigating your classic science experiment gone bad. While running tests on a plant, scientists discovered a mind control element of the organism and of course attempted to use it for personal gains. These men were obviously not brought up with common sense and access classic cinema, nor did they have any books, tales, fables or stories of any sort. If they had, they would know that these types of experiments usually lead to zombies.

Wouldn’t you know it. The scientists are now mindless zombies shooting me with guns! Right after I just turned on their water and power and saved them from the evil alien race of the Geth! Well I am faced with a decision. A “human” gave me a stun grenade upgrade to my frags and begged me to spare their lives, as destroying the evil plant would surely free them of this mind control. No dice sister! I shot them all in the face - which strangely enough still warranted quite a nice thank you and reward from the other non mind-controlled scientists. I don’t waste my time with frivolous emotions like compassion or human nature. I will say the wussy scientists didn’t put up much of a fight… I guess their lab rats for a reason.

Aside from the decision making factor brought forward by Mass Effect, there is also an interesting futuristic class based system that will be familiar to any RPG vet. There are about 8 classes in Mass Effect, and maybe about 30 skills. Each class has a primary and secondary set of skills - totalling about 12 per class. These can include Sniper Rifles, Assault Rifles, Pistols, Electronics, First Aid, Armor, Fitness, and various offensive/defensive spells. As you gain a level, you also gain 2 skill points to upgrade any of your skills. After reaching a certain level with your primaries, they will unlock the secondaries. As an infiltrator, my weapon skill began with Pistols. Upon reaching level 5 pistols, I was allowed to spec in Snipers. These are the only 2 weapon specs for my infiltrator. My strength really lies in sniping people from long range, but I can also pack a mean punch up close with my pistol.

You also gather various party members as you advance in the game. Each one can specialize in Combat, Tech, or Biotics. You may choose to select a party that is full assault for some missions, while other missions might call for some hackers and decrypters.

Just as you can be creative with your party, you can be just as creative with what you actually do in the game. At any given point you have about 10 side missions and about 3-4 primary missions that you can work through in any order at any time. Some missions are as simple as taking your land rover and driving around a deserted planet looking for wreckage, while others will send you deep into an underground laboratory guns a blazin’. All in all, it is refreshing to be able to do what I want when I want - not that it really matters in the long run as you’ll usually end up doing them all anyways.

So far I am very much enjoying the game - but it is not without its negatives. Personally, the biggest setback I have faced is the extremely slow pace of the game. I find it tedious when I am not in a mission. There is a lot running from place to place, constant checking of your map and or journal, and being forced through long slow conversations that seem to always end in me receiving yet another side mission. By far the most annoying slow paced areas are taking elevator rides, and boarding your space ship. Elevator rides usually last about 45 seconds to 1 minute - which on their own do not seem too long. But really, take some time and just stare at your monitor for 45 seconds… it’s feels a lot longer than it is. And these wait times are not load times - oh no, there are still load times in between these wastes of time. When you board the Normandy (your spacecraft), your ship’s computer will decontaminate you. This consists of about 2 minutes of a white beam streaking across your body. This was interesting the first time - maybe even kind of cool. By the tenth time I’m ready for my Xbox to crash so I have an excuse to just go to bed.

The real problems with the game (that is an issue that everyone might find troublesome rather than just spoiled impatient brats like myself) lie mostly with the combat. I can’t quite place my finger on what the issue is - but it just doesn’t feel right. There is a clunkiness to it that helps make intense fights less intense and small issues with “locking” in to cover positions when I’m simply trying to strafe. Gears of War and Rainbow Six Vegas both did the cover system quite well making you hit a button when you want to use cover. For some reason BioWare decided that simply walking in to the cover should snap you in to place. This “cool” system has attributed to a few extra special deaths as I lock in to “cover” against something behind me while backing up and then end up getting shot in the face.

There are also issues with sniper shots going through stationary targets and making a hole in the metal behind what I’m shooting. As I have yet to try a shotgun or an assault rifle, I can’t comment on their accuracy. It is quite annoying however to zoom in on something that is so close it takes up about 90% of my screen, fire a round, and see the evildoer take no damage. That is one magic bullet.

There is also graphical slowdown. I guess its just time to upgrade my compu- oh wait, this is on a console. Why is there framerate issues on a console again?

Anyhow, no game is without its flaws - so nothing to get too concerned about. All in all, the game is quite entertaining. In fact, the game seems diverse enough that I’m very much looking forward to playing it through not only the first time (which is rare these days), but I’d even like to give it a shot a 2nd time, and maybe a 3rd. There just seems to be so many perspectives and methods to play the game, it truly might be “a new game every time you play it” as we so often hear these days. There also seems to be quite a difference in playstyle between the classes - adding to the replay factor.

I do recommend this game to anyone with a 360 that is interested in an involving single player story-based game. Also any loners out there desperate for Facebook friends, both Commander Shepherd and Wrex from the game had their own pages. Unfortunately Facebook didn’t think it was as cool as I did, and they removed them. Perhaps if you write them a really nice letter they’ll allow you the digital friends you so deserve.